


I hate that I love you

by neverlandwithny



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: F/F, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 09:07:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26849425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverlandwithny/pseuds/neverlandwithny
Summary: Have you ever felt a specific hatred towards someone for no reason? It's as if you're in hell when you share the same air. Yup That's exactly how I feel. How I feel towards my best friend, Lalisa Manoban.
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Kim Jisoo, Jennie Kim/Lalisa Manoban | Lisa, Kim Hanbin | B.I/Jennie Kim, Lalisa Manoban | Lisa/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé
Kudos: 38





	I hate that I love you

**Author's Note:**

> Here's to my first BLACKPINK fic, woohoo~! 🥳 I was happy writing this Chaelisa fic at 2am in the morning. And so, I hope you enjoy reading it too. 
> 
> This one is actually a birthday gift to a good friend of mine, Amber (@rosieology_). Happy birthday, love! I hope you have a great quarantine birthday. Thank you for growing with me. Let's stay by each other's side for long, okay? Ily ♡

Oh yes, Lalisa Manoban. My enemy and my best friend. She’s the dance troupe’s captain while I’m the co-captain. She’s the student council’s treasurer while I’m the student council’s auditor. She’s the class beadle while I take charge once she isn’t around. She’s always top 1 while I’m always top 2. She’s who my parents first ask about every time I get home. Basically, Lisa’s the hero in everyone’s story. And I? I’m just her sidekick. 

So, you might be wondering... how does the irony of Lisa being both my best friend and my enemy work? Well, I didn’t really think I had a choice back then. Lisa and I have been friends since kindergarten. It started on a one hot afternoon.

“Tag! You’re it!” The kids played on the playground while I just made few sketches on a bench (Not that I’m not a kid, I just wasn’t the typical one). Suddenly, a small black-haired woman with bangs to top of her look, walked towards me. “Uhh- Hello!” You guessed it right. It’s the kindergarten’s most popular student. Lalisa Manoban, a newcomer from Thailand. But, her approach was contradicting. She was timid with how her actions perceive her to be and friendly with the tone of her voice. “Hi.” I answered briefly and continued sketching. She then sat beside me on my right and leaned to see my work a little closer, this to which I pulled my sketchpad to my left. I hid it from her because of two things. A) From my handwriting to my drawings, I could tell how they all looked like a chicken drew and/or wrote them. B) Who is this Lisa anyway? I may know her for her reputation but I don’t _for real_ know her. 

“Oh, uhh...” She tried to look for the right words to say. She scratched her neck with this and looked around. She then went back to her original position. Still beside me but she leaned back to where she used to be. “I’m sorry. I’m Lalisa Manoban, by the way, from Tha—“ I cut her off but I continued sketching. “Thailand. Lalisa Manoban from Thailand. Mhm. Heard it everywhere.” Okay, don’t get me wrong. I’m not jealous of the attention she gets. I don’t plan on being the most popular student. I don’t want the eyes that lay on me as if I’m a celebrity or a goddess. It totally isn’t my type. It just gets... tiring. Hearing the same thing over and over again. To my remark, she got more timid than before. “I-“ She let out small laughs to lighten up the atmosphere she just made tense (or I? I don’t really know. I was doing fine before she approached me. I think it is her.) “I just wanted to give you this.” Lisa handed me an Iris. W-wait. Iris. Don’t those mean _a_ person trying to send a message? I was stuck at the moment. I didn’t know what to say. Luckily, she broke the silence before I did. “Ah!” Her words came out a little bit louder than I think she thought. We were both surprised by this. “It’s the only flower I saw around the playground.” Okay so she doesn’t know the meaning behind this. Finally, I uttered something more than my cold aura. “What is uhh, what is this for?” I asked. This time looking at her with my eyebrows not in the same level. I even halted my sketch just to let her know that she has my full attention. Compared to her previous habits, Lisa intertwined her fingers and her feet. “I want to be your friend.” She clears her throat in the middle, making sure she send the right message. She is the most popular kid in school. She is a foreigner from Thailand. But none of those say I couldn’t agree to her. I think it’d be nice to have a friend... at least one or at least once. And I was wrong, I had her from Kindergarten until now.

-

Going back to high school, a lot has changed. Our performance, image and relationships seem to matter more. So how is Lisa my enemy? I don’t really think of her as a real enemy. I think my hatred only blooms when rankings and favorites come up. I think I’ll never be better than anything Lisa does. She’s smart, funny, talented, ~~tall~~ (It's in the genes, I can't really do anything about it.), kind, cu—

“Besides the freshmen, we also have an ample amount of new comers for this year. What do you guys plan on doing to welcome them?” Kim Jennie started. She’s our student council president, excels both in academics and in extracurriculars. 

“I heard there’s one hottie for seniors, Jennie-unnie. Creative, talented, funny and definitely your type!” Donghyuk— the student council secretary— brightens the meeting a little bit. 

“Oh, is this the Kim Hanbin?” Yunhyeong, the public relations officer (PRO) of the student body, kept the conversation going. 

“A good friend of mine, Jennie. Just tell me if you need his number.” Seungyoon’s our student council vice-president. You wouldn’t think he’s a senior or the student body’s vice-president. He’s outgoing and immature but if you know him very well, you know he knows when to be serious. Because of his light and free spirit, he becomes the bridge between all the years. And so, he joined the two to tease the president.

Jennie just threw some smiles and laughs at them while Lisa was... not in the mood? Hmm. This is strange. Lisa’s rarely mad or sad or lost in a meeting. D-does she like Jennie?! “I think we should let the Drama Club act for them. An interactive play would be good. They’ll have a sneak peek of what happens in high school especially the freshmen.” Lisa interrupted their antics. She said this with her arms crossed and her back laid on the chair’s backrest. She’s serious so everyone proceed to put on their professional masks. 

“That’s a good idea, Lisa.” Jennie replied nodding and with a smile. My best friend’s mood went up in an instant. For sure she does. For sure _she likes Jennie._

-

As I was about to pass an output to a teacher, I’ve come acrossed Jennie-unnie. “Hi, unnie!” I greeted with a sweet smile. Her usual strong aura softens at my gaze. “Hi, Chae. How’s junior year? I heard you’ll be having a party this weekend.” She holds my tensed (I’m tired from school, what do you expect?) shoulders down and slightly caressed them. “Yeah. Uhh, it was the parents’ idea but junior student council members are in-charge of planning it. We’ll be the ones executing it too but with the help of our parents.” She lets her weight rest on her right leg and crosses her arms. It isn’t the intimidating type though. Her eyes, ears and reaction were enough to tell that she is indeed listening to me. “Oh, that means you, Lisa, and the other guys!” She realized, now replying to me with a sweet smile. She must be proud of us. I nodded but then a voice interrupted us.

“Babe, we’ll be late for the movie!” The voice was from a distance but it was very clear to me who it was. I looked backed and smiled at her. “Hi, Jisoo-unnie!” I waved backed at her. I then looked back to Jennie-unnie. “Thanks for the small talk, Chae. See you when I see you. I have to go now.” My nod’s more evident now than before. We exchanged smiles and goodbyes. We all didn’t expect that it’ll Jisoo-unnie that will sweep her off her feet. Almost everyone’s swooning at Kim Hanbin, the seniors’ other new comer. Either way, the student council and body is happy for our president.

-

There it goes again. The most terrifying time of the year (well, next to finals). Midterms!

**Batch ‘24 Ranking:**

_1\. MANOBAN, Lalisa (w/ an average score of 94%)_  
_2\. PARK, Chaeyoung (w/ an average score of 92%)_  
_3\. KIM, Donghyuk (w/ an average score of 90%)_

**In the Dance Club,**

_“I think this might be the best choreography you’ve done yet, Lisa!”  
“Tell us how you do it, Lisa-unnie.”  
“You really are the best, Lisa.”_

**In the Student Council Meetings,**

_“That’s great, Lisa. In that way, we could help both the needy and promote our school.”  
“That could give us connections. Hmm, thanks Lisa!”  
“Stop being so good at this! The body should know other positions are doing their job too, HAHAHAHAHA.”_

I really hate midterms. This is when caffeine courses inside of me the way blood should. This is when my insecurities are at their peak. This is when we feel the physical pain of stress and when more pillows are wet of tears. This is when we get more dark circles around our eyes. After everything, after every year, I just have one thought. How does it feel to be the first? Maybe not always but at least once. To be first in a category or at least to someone. Haha. 

“We’re still unbeatable, Chaeyoung~ah. Let’s go for some celebratory samgyupsal?” Lisa puts her arm unto my shoulder after chitchatting with some of her famous friends. And all at once, my insecurities hid back into my pocket. My walls are crushed down and I let myself melt into her arm. What can I do? Even if I’m sad about the thought that I’m always number two, I’m always grateful that you’re number one. I’m proud that you’re always number one. That everyone admires you because just like them, I do too. A little bit more than you think. Just like the rankings, you’re my number one. And there’s no one else. There has never been a competition anyway.

-

“For you.” As I exit my classroom, Lisa surprised me with Irises. Of course. The message I never got. This time with... a single red tulip? Red tulip. Huh? Red tulip means _a person declaring his or her love._ Could it be fo— “The florist actually gave me an additional uhh, tulip.” Of course. Why did I even expect. I just nodded while smelling the flowers. I smiled sweetly as she waits for something. This has been a thing for us to celebrate our friendship. She gives me flowers while I give her a sketch of mine. Just to remind us of how we met and how we started. So, that we won’t give up on each other. Well I won’t so I hope she doesn’t too. Whatever our label is. And so, I handed her a torn page from my sketchpad. “Eh! Another one of my cats? I only have 4 cats. You’ve been giving me a sketch of them for 18 years.” I shut her up. Why is my bestfriend always so loud? “Oh, c’mon! They’re complete there, see? And you have to agree, I am improving.” I ruffled her hair which irritated her more. “I didn’t say anything about you getting bad at ske—“ Before she even continued, I interrupted. “Shh! Let’s just go to our place. Stop with the drama.” She frowned but later on, her lips curved up. I walked first but she joined me as I looked back at her. 

-

Finals. 

**Batch ’24 Final Ranking:**

_1\. MANOBAN, Lalisa (w/ an average score of 96%)_  
_2\. PARK, Chaeyoung (w/ an average score of 95%)_  
_3\. SONG, Yunhyeong (w/ an average score of 91%)_

While the boys were bantering around the bulletin board, there I was with my best friend. Again behind her. I couldn’t help it but run away towards the field and shout at the top of my lungs. Who cares? I’m graduating next year anyways. And it’s the last day of this school year. People should’ve been out of the campus enjoying the latest addition to the song-list of Kareokes. Once I felt weak, I kneel down to the ground. As if I was getting ready to meet the Lord and talk to him about how life is unfair. But, I lost energy. I just bowed down to hide my tears and my face.

“You know, it’s okay to tell me the truth.” Lisa appeared with small bouquet of flowers in her hand. She sat beside me. Just like kindergarten.

 _What truth are you prepared to hear, Lisa?_ That I’m pressured with everything, that I want to feel being on top of the food chain. Or that I li- love you for 9 years now? “How does it feel?” I suddenly had the courage to ask her. I retorted my look from the distance to her. I looked into her eyes as if it doesn’t hurt for her to see her bestfriend’s eyes fill with tears. “How does it feel to always be on top? To... always be number one?” I let out some small laughs to distract her from the tears that left my eyes. But it doesn’t work. She comes near me and cups my face. She wipes my tears with this. A smile curving up from a lip that screamed empathy before. “Well, I don’t particularly like the people that idolize me or the eyes that I’d get whenever I do... something.” She laughs to lighten up the mood. She removed her hands from my face. Suddenly, everything feels cold again. “I may always be top one, Chae, but you know I’m not perfect. I don’t like people idolizing me because I’m not an idol in the first place. I may be the ideal student but I’m not the best version of myself for people to idolize me. I still have a lot of things to fix.” This time, it was her who looked at the distance. “I don’t like the eyes that follow me. I’m just a student. I believe we are all entitled to our own privacy.” And then she looks at me for a response. Her smile... it isn’t the glee one before that I always see once she meets people. It’s forced and quivering as if it’s really not meant to smile at the moment. Then, we had moments of silence. A comfortable one. This made us appreciate the small things more. I can feel myself breathing, the sky’s like a color palette as hues mix, the birds on their way home, the students still chitchatting. Everything. Everything made me halt my tears. Everything at that moment made me feel better. She suddenly broke the silence. “You asked, how is it being number one always?” She looked at me again and I looked at her too. “No, Lisa. It’s uhh, fine. If you’re not comfortable talking about i—“ She cut me off. 

“I should be the one asking you that.” She smiled and lied down on the grass. She adored the beauty of everything at that moment while I was frozen in my place. I tried to figure out what she was saying. I tilted my head to hint her that I really am confused. She looked at me and let some small chuckles out of her. She sat and look at me. Making sure we mind the distance but feel our hearts together. “How does it feel... being my number one?” She removed some grass on her while she asked me. I was shocked. Is this a dream, or fiction because I wouldn’t want to be a part of those. I’ve never been a fan of fantasies anyway. “What do you mean, Lisa?” I asked her with a much more serious tone. “Didn’t you get the, Irises?” She timidly smirked. Talk about confidence. The irony, Haha. “So you knew the meaning of the flowers?” I threw her another question. “Yes. I do.” She grabbed the small bouquet of flowers she held before and handed it to me. This time, it was pure Daisies. “It’s the Iris (message) I’ve been trying say since day one.” Daisies mean I love you truly. This time, once I looked into her eyes I see myself. I see how my face lightens up as the sun sets before us. I smiled at her and she smiled back at me. She looked once again at the sun setting, the fear of rejection creeping into her late. She smiles helplessly after her confession. She confessed, obviously it was imperceptible, but she did. It’s my turn now. It’s my turn to dive and take the risk. “You know, I like you too, right?” I sweetly smirked while looking at her side profile. Yes, I just risked. I risked to see more of this moment. I risked to see her side profile frequently. I risked to always be by her side. She look at me, her eyes holding my whole galaxy. After years of shyly thrown hints and clues of our love, here we are now, finally offering each other the half of our hearts. She hugs me. Lisa always hugs me. I mean, she hugs everyone. She’s like a ball of sunshine rolling through the corridor once she moves from a room to another. But this one’s different. It’s intimate and just pure happiness. I am not scared of the uncertainty tomorrow. I am not scared of hurting her because I have no intention to in the first place. This one’s just me and my bestfriend-slash-enemy, _Pranpriya._ (slash-girlfriend? Hmm, Hahaha).

**Author's Note:**

> This is the longest fic I've written so far (and the proudest I am of, too^^). And to think that I'm an angst writer, this is sooo fluffy. I hope you liked it though. Feel free to drop anything (feedbacks and comments are appreciated, always) here, in my CCs or DMs. I'm a multi so look forward to more works in the future.
> 
> I'm @losthwanderer on Twitter!


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